Friendship

This post will sound a little jumbled up, probably because my mind is a bit jumbled up. I have made friends in and out of the church. When I became fully active and kept myself worthy I lost some non-member friends. One of which was my best friend, I'm still friends with her now, but we are not even nearly as close. I've had quite a bit of bad luck when it comes to friends. Friends really do come and go. Not saying it's like that for most people, most people seem to have friends for life. My close friendships only seem to last a few years, then we suddenly start to drift. Some people say to me, "maybe you haven't found the right friends yet". I say "maybe it's just me". I honestly think it is me. I can't seem to hold onto friendship outside the church when I'm active and I can't seem to hold onto friend in the church when I'm in-active. And now that I'm on middle ground, I've never felt more alone. My church friends are either progressing in different callings, going on a mission or getting married. My non-member friends don't understand me or the way I feel. I honestly don't know where I stand. Things just seem to be falling apart around me. I have no job, I live with my parents, my Dad is losing his business, which means he can't really have me living here. So I have to find somewhere else to live, with no money. I still don't know if I want to stay a member of the church and that scares the hell out of me, because I know I will be even more alone, because in the church you have security and the friend that I would talk about this to, isn't even talking to me at the moment. And I'm not sure she will ever talk to me. And I also just sound like a whining teenager, who needs to get over herself.