So, now I am sitting in bedroom alone trying to figure out what actually is bothering me in the Church.
I suppose I have a list of things, but I can honestly say that most members probably struggle with these things. With me I think it's something more deeper than that and I still can't figure it out.
So I went to Institute this week and for the first time in a long time I didn't feel suffocated and I had no bad feelings. But I still didn't feel good. I just felt numb.I suppose that is progress. I still just feel out of place and that I don't belong. I don't know where I belong. I feel out of place when hanging out with non-members, but I feel out of place with members too. So where is my place? I'm so in-between. I just don't connect with people. I don't what it is about me.
I've decided to go to church tomorrow. I will update tomorrow.
I can relate to some of the things you are going through, as I went through some of the same. I wasn't born a church member though.
ReplyDeleteBut what I sense from what you are saying is that you are trying to create some purposeful and great feelings about being a church member. Some people manage to do this. It seems your father may have had this problem. This isn't very fulfilling.
But in my experience with where I was when feeling like you, the thing I was missing was Jesus Christ: I really needed to improve my relationship with him drastically.
When I turned to him in all humility and ready to listen, after pursuing the world had failed me, great things began to happen.
While I do see myself as being a church member, I don't see myself as belonging to the church. I see myself as being a child of my eternal Father, and belonging to that relationship. He has never let me down. We are close. I feel him with me all the time. And I feel the presence of Jesus Christ. This relationship is the one you need. This is made in your heart everywhere you go.
As you draw closer to the Father you will find yourself more different to the world. But your new friends are greater than any the world can offer. Also you will find great people attracted to you and wanting your company.