Feeling Emotional

So I feel like I'm starting to make progress socially. I've become closer to this girl from my ward, who also struggles socially and spiritually. Her mum is quite similar to mine, so we understand each other. Last Sunday I actually felt good being there. I enjoyed teaching the young women. The talk with Bishop went well. I received some good news, that I will share that with you all next week. I even taught YSA at FHE on Monday and enjoyed it. I looked after my nieces all weekend too, it was lovely having. It was a good Easter weekend. I've had a smile on my face, in front of my friends and family. But truthfully, I'm an emotional wreck. My dad sat us all around the table on Sunday and told us he is hoping the house will be sold in 3 months and he advised us to leave in 6 weeks. So I have £3.50 to my name, no job and soon nowhere to live. So I'm freaking out, every time I think about it, I start crying. I haven't been as emotional as this since I was a teenager. My best friend who isn't talking to me, blanked me on Sunday. I wish that I could talk to her, she always seemed to help me feel better. But I am grateful to those that have spent time to listen to me and try to help me solve my problems. Particularly this one person, who has spent hours listening to me and helping me understand what I'm going through, spiritually and mentally. This world really does have some great people. 

Teenage Life in the Church

Last night I went to youth. I actually enjoyed myself. I love working with the youth. I really enjoyed being a leader at the young women's camp last year. I've always wanted to help and be there for them. Because I know that being a teen sucks at times. I know it's very challenging especially when you have a religion like mine. Although the church is very fun when you're a youth, I know it's hard to live up to the churches expectations. I remember being told as a youth, 'as youth you can be a great example for today's youth.' To have that on your shoulders is very pressurising. Especially when you've already done so many sins. I guess because I have made mistakes I want to help guide people who may have the same struggles. I remember feeling so alone and worthless when I was in my later teens. Because I had done so much, I lost respect for myself. I had no one to help me through that, I had no one to tell me I have worth and that I would get through this. It took me a few years for me to get out of that state of mind. I don't want any of the youth to go through that. I want to be able to help them and free their mind of guilt and self-loathing.
I feel that teenagers are misunderstood. Yes, teenagers can be nasty and intimidating at times. But I think adults forget what it was like to be a teenager. I mean it's a very confusing time. The're starting to get to know their bodies and mind. Their bodies are changing all the time. They are starting to go through awkward things like acne and needing to wash more. They are starting to have new feelings for the opposite/same sex. Each emotion feels bigger when you're a teen. When a parent tells them to do something, they start feeling that their parents are against them. They are not capable of seeing that it's the best for them and that their parents love them. All they see is what they want and their parents are standing in the way of that.
When a teen says they have fallen in love and an adult tells them, 'what you're feeling is nothing. You're young, you don't know what love is.' They are wrong. Yes they probably haven't fallen in love. But it doesn't mean that it's nothing. To that teen it's everything. It's the biggest feeling that they have ever experienced. It's the biggest thing that has happened to them at that point in their life. Yes when they are older they will realise that they didn't love them, but when they are a teen it is real for them. I remember some of my crushes in my teen life. I honestly thought that I loved them, each time someone new came along I fell in complete love with them (in my mind). It felt good and it was special every time I "fell in love" with someone new.
I just feel that adults need to be more sensitive with teens. So many people say that today's teens are awful and have no respect for people. But the fact is that they were the same 10 years ago and 20 years ago. It's just the way teens are. And teens can surprise you at times. If you give them the chance to.
I think I might go church on Sunday. Despite how I'm feeling at the moment.
Oh and the Bishop wants to see me on Sunday. I'm a bit nervous. :/ And to add to my nerves, I'm teaching the Young Women as a favour to my sister. 

Friendship

This post will sound a little jumbled up, probably because my mind is a bit jumbled up. I have made friends in and out of the church. When I became fully active and kept myself worthy I lost some non-member friends. One of which was my best friend, I'm still friends with her now, but we are not even nearly as close. I've had quite a bit of bad luck when it comes to friends. Friends really do come and go. Not saying it's like that for most people, most people seem to have friends for life. My close friendships only seem to last a few years, then we suddenly start to drift. Some people say to me, "maybe you haven't found the right friends yet". I say "maybe it's just me". I honestly think it is me. I can't seem to hold onto friendship outside the church when I'm active and I can't seem to hold onto friend in the church when I'm in-active. And now that I'm on middle ground, I've never felt more alone. My church friends are either progressing in different callings, going on a mission or getting married. My non-member friends don't understand me or the way I feel. I honestly don't know where I stand. Things just seem to be falling apart around me. I have no job, I live with my parents, my Dad is losing his business, which means he can't really have me living here. So I have to find somewhere else to live, with no money. I still don't know if I want to stay a member of the church and that scares the hell out of me, because I know I will be even more alone, because in the church you have security and the friend that I would talk about this to, isn't even talking to me at the moment. And I'm not sure she will ever talk to me. And I also just sound like a whining teenager, who needs to get over herself.