I was born into a strong LDS AKA Mormon family. We had a good upbringing, we had our ups and downs, just like most families. Growing up in the church I never knew anything different. I was taught about the church from day one, when I turned 8 it was only natural for me to get baptized. I always knew/ thought I'd follow the church through and through. I never thought anything would pull me away.
When I hit my teens things started to change. I started to explore, like most teenagers do. I tried my first cigarette when I was in my first year of High School. I liked it, then I carried on until I got into my 2nd year. But then in my 3rd year I started again, not long after that I started to drink alcohol, I was able to buy alcohol in pubs at the age of 14. Every Friday night I would drink and party. Then I'd go to Church on the Sunday and act like everything was ok. But when I turned 15 I decided to stop drinking and smoking, because I felt like I needed to change and focus more on the church. I really did start to get my head stuck in the church then. My mind was truly set on repenting and doing what I knew was right. I took my calling in young womens as Mia Maids president seriously and I was finally starting to make friends in the Church.
I even got myself a boyfriend in my 5th year of high school, I was a bit under the age guideline, but that didn't matter to me. I was starting to feel really involved in the church, I was really settled. But by the time I was 16 I had started to drink and smoke again. I would even sometimes smoke some pot. In my mind then, I was having the time of my life. My church life was slowly falling to pieces. I was losing touch with my friends in the church, I wasn't getting on with my young womens leader and I was struggling to get on with my family. My friendships outside the church was getting stronger. They seemed to me at the time the most important people in my life.
That summer I went to EFY, which was a great experience. And I still to this day treasure those memories. When I got back I swore to myself I would improve my life in the church. That didn't last long, it took a month for me to start smoking again and I was once again drinking in pubs on my weekends soon after. I made friends with some new people at college. And they introduced me to a new way of thinking, Parents can't tell us what to do, it's our lives and we will live it the way we please. So I started coming home really late on Friday nights, not caring what my parents would say or even think of me. I would be home as late as 3am sometimes. About April 2007 I dropped out of college and then I stopped going to church full stop. I had got myself in a rut at the age of 17. In the summer my parents asked me if I would like to move away. I was to live with my Brother, until I found somewhere else to live. I also started a new course at college. I was active again, but not fully. I wouldn't take the sacrament because I had done some things I wasn't proud of. But that didn't stop me from going out to clubs and drinking with my new friends on weekends .
By the next summer I was living at home again. Something had changed in me and to this day I still can't say what it was. I stopped smoking and drinking. Not because I wanted to be a worthy member of the church, just because I knew I really didn't like the scene anymore and alcohol always ended in bad things for me. I was finally understanding myself and the church. I was getting there, I believed in it. I wanted to know more. Then my strength in the church got struck by a bolt of lightning. My Father, the one person, I trusted and believed told me he no longer believes in the church. It felt like everything I was taught about the church from him was a lie. I was finally getting a grip of my life and then it felt like my world was tumbling down. It had opened up new questions and more confusion.
I will add more soon about what happened next. Thanks for reading, feel free to add comments.
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