Notes on Sunday

So I know it's been awhile. A lot has happened the last few months. I am now currently living with a family who I know from my ward. I still don't have a job, but I remain optimistic. My parents has decided to get a divorce, which will be finalized this coming Monday. When I first got told I was shocked. But soon after I realized it is for the best. I haven't cried about it. I don't know whether that's be cause I'm in denial or because I'm fine about it. I know if I found out about this 4 months ago, I would have freaked because I was already emotional.
I've also come to the realization that the only reason why I go to church is for social reasons. I will always be a Christian, but I don't believe there is one true church. I still believe in a lot of the principles in the church and most churches. It's just morals that most people believe in. But I just sit in church and not get anything from it. Apart from a bit of comedy. I know some people in the church would say that's the devil talking. But the devil DOES NOT dictate my life, I DO.

So while I've been at church I've been writing notes of how I feel and things that I notice. Things that stick out to me. If you don't want to be offended DO NOT READ!

I have changed the names just so it doesn't offend anyone. Hope you enjoy!!

Sunday 10th July 2011


As we sang the first song a 'none-member' was singing the song really loud, pretty much taking the mick. As awkward as it was, I couldn't help laughing, as I was watching the 'members' faces in shock and disgust. I just got told to stop typing, been told 2 times, by 2 people. Wow, has anyone ever heard of free agency? I just looked around and only about a third are actually listening and my 'non-member' dad is one of them, typical. Betty is too busy admiring Emma's baby. The 'none member' left, he probably thought, this is boring, I'd rather be at the pub. I'm feeling a little crowded, I wish I was at home watching smallville. Mum is moving further away from dad, if she moves anymore she will fall off her seat. The talk is about the commandments....I think? Amy was shocked when she saw my wallpaper on my phone, it says 'fml ysa', it was all worth it, just to see the look on her face. Gosh pretty much everyone looks bored to death. Zanna is sat next to her boy friend, I wonder if they've kissed. The 'none member' looks like he's checking Bethy (a14 yr old girl) out, he looks like he's 45. Maybe older. Quote from Robert, 'true happiness only comes to those who follow the gospel of Jesus christ'. President Alien Head, just started the talk with drugs, this is more like it. He just said that man is less than the dust of the earth, wow, that's a bit harsh. Is this over yet? The voices of Lancaster ward are like angels!!!!! Wow that prayer from Betty was way too long! Pfffffff this is going to be a long day. Gosh Gary is so sexually frustrated he keeps talking about sex. Todays lesson is about the death of Jesus, to brighten our Sunday. Did I just hear the teacher mention the Hoff? Bored bored bored, woooooh did he just say cock? Is this really about the death of Jesus? I just love how the teachers chin shakes when he talks. Zanna bf seems reasonably normal, I dont get it!! Bla bla bla bla bla!!!!!! I'm excited to go home and have our games night, probably go to sainsburys. Ahhhhhh I love the teachers testimony, he's so sure that he 'KNOWs' the truth. We have to have visiting teaching meetings, 'I'm so excited'! Yay Sally is teaching. But it is on family responsibilities, fun! The first question was do you really know the people you marry? The answer was no, yes that's right in the Mormon world. Now they are talking about divorce, GREAT!! Marriage advice, once again Jane mentions that her and her husband dont argue. They obviously dont have fire in their relationship. She just said you need to treat your household as a business.....wow great advice! They are doing role playing, these women should get an Oscar. Is it home time yet? I remember Sister Jenkins said that Sally doesn't follow the book enough, and?????! Her lessons are the least boring. Right come on wrap it up! Yay home time! Another typical day at church, ending the day with the song love at home. Oh the joy! And yet again another long prayer. AMEN!




Sunday 17th July 2011


So I'm sitting here with a massive headache waiting for church to begin and im already ready to go home. One of the new elders introduced himself to me, it was slightly awkward. Must note there's a ward activity in august, because I really am going to it pahahaha. Haha Berly is doing the sacrament. Mum has this smile on her face, it looks like something from a horror movie. It's starting to freak me out. I didn't feel like taking the sacrament, just felt like I had no choice, bishop will prod for info. Oh this is dire. Ralph's arm is around Gail, I guess they really are together, I hear wedding bells. Wow this girl is doing a long talk for her age, brainwashed much. Ahh our new elders are now talking. This guy can't be 19-21, church members need to learn how to act their age. Ooo mum is sat next to her bestfriend, no my dad isn't here, its Betty. This other guy sounds European. Atleast he isn't a yank. But his testimony is way too long. The facial expressions people pull while singing is funny, so dramatic. Ok so this isn't going too bad Ethan is doing the last talk. Oh sorry president Kurkowski, as bishop put it. I could just go to sleep still. Oh oh Ralph is rubbing Gail's back. That man really does creep me out. Awww you can see Gemma really cares about Gail, but Gail doesn't show any positive attention to her. Gemma has her arm around her. Seriously everyone looks bored to death. I'm sat thinking of the profound words of up there from south park, it's the story of my life except I need to change the lyrics to out there. As in out of the church. Last hymn finally. In the the lyrics of oh my father it says, 'In the heav’ns are parents single? No, the thought makes reason stare!'. Wow bold! Sunday school time. Eww Gary's tie is blinding. I decided to go to the adult class, it's more cosy. Mums arm is around Betty. One of the biggest/important things the world will celebrate the next 20 years, is the 200th anniversary of the restoration of the church, in 2030. I don't know about them, but I'll be too busy celebrating my 40th birthday. I can hear Zanna's voice in the ysa class haha. Mum is munching on something as usual. I want my bed! Mum spoke of my sisters 'spiritual' experience at school, when she had to answer questions to the children about the church. Trey and I were that bored we skipped the last lesson and went to asda. Zanna is flirting with the new missionary, what about her boyfriend? Yes another long and depressing day at church, amen to that!




Sunday 24th July 2011


The BBQ is this coming Friday or I could go to mossfest? Which one should I go to? Hmmmm.....neither! During the first song mum is pulling faces and shaking her head haha. How embarrassing. My two favourite people are giving talks today, Gary and Trish. Gary is a preacher, I hate his voice. He has such a patronising tone to it. Jelly Pudding looks like she hasn't brushed her hair in years. Her daughter is here. Ethan looks fed up as Gary gives his 'uplifting' words. Trishes turn now, here she comes to ruin the DAY!! It's so slow, I could actually fall to sleep to her voice. But luckily it was a short talk. Peter is talking about old macdonald. Mark is here with his devil child. Hmmmmmmmmm la la la la bored much! Peter sounds like a robot. The kite festival is on today I should have gone to that instead! Woooh that was short. Mums face, she needs to stop pulling nasty faces. Sunday school now. Mum sat next to her bff again, hmmm she's crying. No idea what this lesson is all about. Just had a cheese string. Yum! Someone just gave us scriptures. Probably because we are whispering. Might go sit in mums car for next lesson. Or maybe go to asda. Maybe both? Mum speaking of her spiritual experience, gave me a burning in my bosom. Oh mum is talking about me. About when she gave birth to me, a bit personal. She's crying again. Once again I couldn't stand the thought of going to relief society. So I'm currently waiting in Mum's car. Boiling to death. Why do I bother going?


Sunday 7th August 2011


So I'm sat in the chapel and they just opened the doors and a gush of cold air came flying in and that's not the only thing. There's this horrid stale smell. You can tell that no one cleans the place anymore. I've heard that some mushrooms were growing in the chapel. Fast and testimony meeting my favourite.......no really it is. So we've got a newly RM here. And gosh you can tell, yet again someone who doesn't act their age. Burt is talking about his washing machine...... Crazyyyyyy! Laura just said she loves my mum.......pedestal much? Wow that was a long awkward silence. Wow this is actually boring. Oh no mum is getting up. She is grateful for her membership in the church. And her mission. She's just blabbering. Does she mention her family.....no. Oh wait she just mentioned her sons for going on a mission. Just not us girls. Ahhhh Harry. He's a funny looking man isn't he. He frightens me a bit. Just noticed that the Sharples aren't here. What a shame! Gail......her hair just gets more and more crazy every week. Ralph must have been playing with it. Aww Johnny, can't take the mick out of him can I. Another awkward silence......this is agony. Oooo a visiter just broke the silence. He's talking about his dead dad and that it was a comfort to him that he will see him again in the next life, because of the temple. I worry that people in the church don't grieve properly because of that 'comfort'. Maybe thats why the church has so many crazy nutters. Because they just get to a boiling point because they haven't dealt with the death of a loved one. Man this yank missionary is so weird. It still makes me laugh that mum called him the china man. Ahhhh it's finished now Bish just got up. Man, Helen is right his tie really is bright. It's blinding. It's a bright hot pink. Or would men say crimson. Haha I almost spoke in the prayer. Not good. I can't make out whether I like mums dress. Maybe it just doesn't look good on her, probably would look good on my sister. I have no idea what this lesson is about. But Davie just said wouldn't it be easier and great if everyone was white like him. Wow! Mum is munching on something and it's fast sunday. What a rebel. Franny just patted Gail's bum. Tut tut. Boring.


Sunday 25th August 2011


So don't you just hate it when they pick a hymn that pretty much no one knows. It seriously makes everyone feel awkward and practically everyone wants to burst out and start laughing. It's kind of ironic, hymns are meant to uplift and keep the reverence, but when they pick songs no one knows there is anything but reverence. That's what just happened. I couldn't stop laughing. The mighty big troll is now talking, seriously does he have his own language? Troll language. He just said he wants to make a happy pill. He's so insightful. Just looking around and I just saw Ethan, he's shaking. He looks like he's on edge. Maybe it's drugs? Troll head is going on about football. Wow! Now Ethan looks like he's going to fall asleep, I know how he feels. I think that Betty has kidnapped again, she has a bunch of kids sat with her. Here comes our recent RM. Man he's like a robot.


Sunday 4th September 2011


Lancasters voices hasn't sounded as bad as that in a while. Hmmmm....... Ahhhh testimony meeting has come around again. There's something awkward with the way Peter speaks. It's comical. Ahhhh let the show begin!!! Yep already an awkward silence. No spoke to soon. Ahaha Jelly Pudding!!! She can't speak properly. MY sister's impression is spot on! Hmmm does she wash her hair? The guy with the sunglasses on his head looks like he actually polishes his head. No ones head is that shiny! Oh noooo mum is up!!! Akkkkkk!!!!!! Shes going on about challengers and how she's got a big one!!!!! Arrg this is horrid! Arrg I want to get out of here. Yep doesn't mention her family again! I think that Burt looks a bit like Quagmire, he's quite like him too! Here we go, Trish! Oh she said she needs to bare her testimony! She's not mentioning trials wow! What's wrong with the world! Wooh here is the new student! Yep he's stiff! Give him a few weeks with our YSA that will soon change. Omg he's going on about the temptations of Satan! How you can drink under 21 here in the uk! Wow! He sounds like a member of the 70! Maybe he should get promoted. Ahhh here he is Fred!!! Oh he knows this is the true church! He's not breathing as much this time. Disappointment all around! Oh dear this visitor is all kinds of awkward!!!! Yep another awkward silence! WTF is this scripture all about? "but I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." this is a bit sexiest!!!! It's funny a few minutes later they say that man and woman are equals, contradictory much!!!!!  


That's all I got so far. I hope you enjoyed them. I will keep you all updated!

Thanks for reading!